This is post that’s not easy to write.
Some of you have wondered about my rush to release both Ensamplario Atlantio III, and the single-download edition of my Epic Fandom Stitch-Along. And there may be more coming out in the next few days. There is a reason.
In gamer’s parlance, sadly I’ve rolled a 5. Not a 1, thank heavens, but nothing good.
I join the legion of folks who have been handed a surprise cancer diagnosis. In my case it’s another over-engineered and uncommon Salazar project – not breast, lung, or any of the usual suspects. I’ve got a chordoma – an exceedingly rare form of bone cancer that’s eating my tailbone (coccyx) and the area immediately above.
The bad news is that I’ve been subject to this invader for a while, with the symptoms it generated being masked by the all too normal day to day annoyances many post-menopausal women have, most notably lingering lower back pain. (Side hint – if you have pain that the oft resorted to palliative modalities like physical therapy and medication don’t address, insist LOUDLY that your doctor engage diagnostic mode. I it would have been better off had I done that earlier.)
The good news is that while my growth is large, it’s contained, has not spread, and is operable. I will be headed to the hospital later in March to have at it. Best outcome is that I although I will be physically diminished, I will regain basic mobility. With healing I should be able to sit, stand, walk, and climb stairs. Some bodily functions and systems will also be compromised, but nothing that modern medical technology cannot address.
I choose to fight, and fight hard. I will not let this thing daunt me. I will pass through, and emerge much as I am now, although I will be moving more slowly, and with more care.
What can you do to help? There’s not much, but I know I will appreciate your companionship, dark humor, and distraction as I move through post-op and rehab. I will especially enjoy seeing what you’ve been up to playing with my knitting and stitching “pattern children.”
I know folk feel awkward at times like this, but please don’t be shy about contacting me. I might not answer right away (especially in the weeks just before, during and immediately after the procedure), but your notes, memes, embroidery/knitting/crochet/other hobby pix, and assorted shenanigans will brighten my day. One thing though, please don’t send flowers. The sentiment is deeply appreciated, but they make me sneeze.
Oh, and look out for Fernando (aka, The Resident Male). He’s going to be especially grumpy.
I leave you with a thought from the science fiction TV show Babylon 5, from the character Ranger Marcus Cole:
“I used to think it was awful that life was so unfair. Then I thought, ‘wouldn’t it be much worse if life *were* fair, and all the terrible things that happen to us come because we actually deserve them?’ So now I take great comfort in the general hostility and unfairness of the universe.”
String-Or-Nothing 
We stand at your shoulder, virtually holding your hand.
I’m so sorry to hear about your diagnosis. Even though it seems like it’s easily (relatively speaking!) treatable, it’s still pretty scary and won’t be at all pleasant. If there is a plus side, at least you’ve given your doctors and yourself something to be excited about, since you went with a slightly bizarre form that you know will be full of opportunity for bad jokes (always a plus for someone who enjoys dark humour).
I hope the surgery goes smoothly and that they’re able to remove everything, that the recovery is faster than you think and isn’t as awful as it sounds like it could be (while I’ve never broken my own tailbone, I remember my Mom not enjoying doing to herself at all), and that this will take care of the issue without further treatment required.
Take good care of yourself and let your family take care of you (sometimes that’s the hardest part).
Hugs,
Linda Lassman
Thanks! And you are right about the gallows humor. It has a,ready been pointed out that anything I undertake from here on in will be definition be done half-assed.
Total colorectomy in 2009 from Crohn’s over here. Wishing you a speedy and full recovery and if any of this involves bag-age I’m here to answer any questions. So glad they figured out what was going on for you!
Alison, I may take you up on the offer, but offline. My Gmail address tag is Kbsalazar. Thanks!
I am so sorry to hear about this. It is a tough blow. The attitude you are giving it though is the best possible one. From a distance I don’t have much to offer except good thoughts and healing prayers which of course you will have. Please stay in touch on here as much as you can and know there are lots of people standing by you and rooting for you. Refuah shlemah
You’ve been so generous with your knowledge and talents, in so many areas, that surely you’ve built up absolutely *loads* of good karma! All the best to you and your family —
Much mojo and good thoughts and wishes. May you have an uneventful procedure and a quick and thorough healing!!
I’ve always thought your intellect and your patterns terribly clever, if you follow… the intellect I can manage, but your patterns seemed far beyond me, so I admired from a respectful distance. But now I shall stitch something – small – in solidarity. My very best wishes to you Jane.
Well shit, good luck with the fight. Thanks for all your beautiful designs and all the wonderful stitches youâve put out in the world. My son passed away, he was 33. I am working on a book featuring seasons and the letter z. He always loved your work. He would pick out complicated designs, ones above my stitch grade. I will send out the blackwork z when I get to it.
Very sorry to hear this — wishing you an uneventful surgery and an easy recovery/adjustment!
Hitting the ‘like’ button doesn’t seem quite right – this stranger is rooting for you!
Very, VERY best wishes for successful surgery and follow-up! It’s not true that bad things only happen to good people; it’s that when they do, we care. And we care about you.
From this distance (I’m in Oz) all I can offer is the promise that a line of snails will be the first thing I stitch on my next project, starting Real Soon Now.
I love reading your posts, you have an amazing sense of humor! I found your site while searching out “Holbein Stitch” and, while I have yet to attempt it, your info is the best! I drool over your patterns and productivity regularly. Double vision and a non-number-friendly brain have meant that surface embroidery is my favorite. However, when I get a couple more projects done, your site will be for more than just drool-scrolling.
So, please, please, PLEASE take good care of yourself!
a fan,
laura
I am so sorry to hear this but so awed by your spirit. May it all go exceptionally well.
Well, damn. I’m visiting Boston late-ish next month. I hope the surgery goes well. I will plan on doing some cooking and bringing food by, if it’ll help at that point.
Sending supportive and encouraging thoughts, and virtually cheering you and your doctors on! As someone has already commented, the fact that they’ve now identified something rare means they will probably engage with enthusiasm..!
I’m chiming in to say I hope the surgery goes well, treatment is as easy as possible and recovery swift. Maybe you can spend some recovery time in Truro, gazing at the bay–I always thought the Cape had strong restorative powers, I hope they work for you. (long-time reader, all the way back to the KnitList days, and I think of you whenever I wear my SeeSaw socks!)
I survived cancer and I’m glad to hear you will too. You are very talented and your humour is fantastic.
Best of luck with the surgery and recuperation. I hope you can get to the Cape and enjoy the healing sound of the sea this summer.
I am so sorry to hear your news. I am a 33-year survivor of a rare cancer — there are lots of us survivors out there, and we live a long time. Keep us posted.Your fans,and me,Rachel Braun
I wish strength and healing as you fight the good fight. Don’t let the bastard C win!